I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize