Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
