I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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