I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
