I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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