if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
