Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
