The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
