so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
