I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
