this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
