U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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