I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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