Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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