well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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