It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
