Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
