I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize