ugly people sure do ruin things
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
