Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
