Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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