Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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