It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
