That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
