porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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