so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
