i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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