Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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