I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
