kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
