3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
