When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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