my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
