take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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