did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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