you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
