He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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