why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
