It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
