Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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