I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
