now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
