dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
