I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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