i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
