What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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