9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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