And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
