just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
