dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
