Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
