All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
