We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i've created a new STD.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
