woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
