If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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