I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
