You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
