i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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