one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
