respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
