My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Soap is not a condiment
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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