Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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