I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
