I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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