I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
