remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
