how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
