1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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