Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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