My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
